Thursday, June 3, 2010

I Woke Up on the Wrong Side of the Bed Today

I just moved in to my new appartment with a friend I had lived with before. After painting my room and building my bed frame, I finally went to sleep. A few hours into my sleep my bedroom door bursts open:


Matt: " grmphblu..."

Now what did he just say to me...? Although it was in the wee hours of the morning and without my contact lenses I'm as blind as a mole, I swear I saw him walking from my bed to my window without even glancing at me once.

Me: " Matt why are you here?"

He didn't asnwer me with words. Instead he pulled down his pants (something he does way too often) and stares out the window. It was a full moon.

At this point I'm feeling pretty confident that this is one of those dreams where you can scream as loud as you can and no one will hear you so I just pull the blanket over my head and close my eyes. A few minutes later, I hear his feet shuffle and he exits my room closing the door delicately.

In the morning, I wake up to find my purse and a pair of his shorts lying on the ground in front of the door. I think to myself that this is a weird location for 2 such objects but grab my purse and leave for work. I call him a few hours later.

Matt: "Hey did you bring my sheets to the washing machines?

Me: " No, I don't even know where they are. Why?"

Matt: "Well I woke up without any sheets in my bed and went to the machines to see if they were there and they were.

Me: Hum.. this is the reason why I was calling... It seems in the 2 years we spent not living together you've developped a late night habit...

Needless to say at first he didn't believe me, then he realized it made sense, what with the missing sheets and weirdly place purse and shorts... I'll be locking my bedroom door at night from now on.

Do you or anyone you know have strange things happen to them?


  1. Um, yes. Literally every day!

    Last night I participated in a wing-eating challenge. 6 super-hot wings, 15 minutes, if you do it you get free wings and $25. I did it, and afterwards offered my sauce-covered fingers up for other people to "try the sauce" (sorry, my humor is stuck at about the 7th grade level). Well, three guys decided to accept my offer so I had a pack of dudes all sucking my hand at the same time. Slightly gay, agreed. Then, 2 of those 3 went outside and threw up.

    Oh, then a friend of mine pulls his balls out of his zipper and his friend puts his hands near them in a flower-like pattern. They loudly proclaim that this is known as "The Ballflower"

    Yeah, pretty gross.

    Good post!

  2. hahaha! I hope you didn't puke. Because then all your glory would be gone in one heave.

    Never heard of the ballflower...until now...!

  3. Saw the ballflower yet again. Technically speaking, in the last day "Cledus" has shown me his balls, kissed me on the mouth, and licked sauce from my fingers.

    Ultra secure manliness or unaddressed personal issues?


  4. I like to think of it as sexy time no matter what your gender.. or species

    ever liked sticky goop of a toad's bumpy back?

  5. I don't even know what that means, but no? Is that a euphemism for something?

    Sounds naughty.