Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Found it!

I warned you. It's juvenile, full of mistakes and sometimes you can tell that I'm Francophone.

The Odd Crowd (the introduction)

On an island lived 7 kids. Orphans, each and everyone of them. They didn't have many things in common, in fact they were all very different, but one thing had brought them together, here, on this island. Nobody knew for sure. The want for something more? A curious mind? Exclusion? It didn’t matter, since they never wondered out loud. The first boy to arrive on the island was Romeo, the boy who was always ablaze. He felt ongoing agony. You would too if your flesh was burning forever. He would purposely get into fights with others just to distract his mind else and forget some of his pain. Apart from his strange, non sensical actions he was one of the wisest and most caring of the bunch. Probably the best hopeless romantic ever too. He held a grand fiery passion for everything. His fire could not be extinguished.

Then there was Jade. She was the stone carving of a girl. She had lost all her colours except for the mundane grey of a chiselled boulder and the green of her eyes. Every now and then, a hint of glimmer could be spotted in her eyes but, never could we be sure it was really there. Maybe a travelling sunshine’s ray was only reflecting on a sharp surface of her carved face and gave the illusion of a faint twinkle… Never would she speak a word which made it hard for others to understand her sometimes. They had named her Jade because of the only color she wore, or perhaps because she was jaded. The kids said she had never loved because her heart was also made of stone. Romeo was happy the day Jade arrived as he would never be lonely again. He could get close to Jade and not be afraid of burning her, which was a nice change. Some days, the two friends would go off on the mountain and Jade would build a house of clay or carve a statue of wood and lovingly watch Romeo destroy and burn down her creation with true passion.

Then along came Baby, the sunshine princess. She had golden brown hair with streaks the colour of her rays and eyes of the deepest blue, much like the colour of those rare blue butterflies. Her eyes were rarely seen since her rays were so strong and she would blind others. Jade thought her eyes reflected the glittering sea surrounding the island and past innocence she had once seen. Baby would light up any room she would step in. Most of the time, she walked around with her hands covering her eyes to protect them from her own blinding light. This got her in a lot of trouble as she wouldn't realize most things she would get herself into. Because of that she needed constant reassuring and opinions. Baby was beautiful and simple. She was everyone’s little cherie.

Lucky was the cat boy. He was vicious most of the time and scratched anything or anyone within claws reach. He pretended to be independent but showed affection on some rare occasions. Jade and Lucky fought a lot but it was never to hurt each other really. They had come from the same place and understood each other in some ways even though they had never told one and other. Jade could touch him. He would allow it, because she had tamed him. At some point Princess Sunshine had trained him too but will get to that some other time.

There was also the little witch. She had crawled in a bubble because someone had told her when she was young that life was better in there. Obviously, a few hours later, she wanted out but the bubble had been built a certain way that you could only get in and never out. She longed for human contact. No one wanted to get in her bubble, afraid that she would place a curse on them if they got too close. She was a witch after all. Aren’t curses what witches do best everyone thought? So she would get even more frustrated which made the others fear her even more. It was a big vicious circle, a bubble of problems. The little witch might seem horrible, and she was most of the time, but the group would not be complete without her.

Romeo wasn’t afraid to get near the little witch either as she was protected from his scorching flames. This is probably the only good thing about the witch’s bubble. This made them close friends. Romeo and the little witch would spend hours discussing past memories and upcoming events while Jade carefully listened. Together, they painted the prettiest pictures and made up the nicest dreams.

Sixth was Scream, the joker. He never wore a shirt. Said it would hinder his perfect ability to move swiftly around space. He had many scars of past battles with lions and snakes. He had a tall, slim body with broad shoulders. Only skin, bones and a mask. He would never take it off. He hid his face as well as his feelings behind it. He always said he was fine but the others knew that the smile on his mask meant nothing at all. Scream was deeply in love with sweet little lady.

She was a small porcelain doll with perfect pale poreclain skin. Cold blood red lips had been painted on her face and long, soft eyelashes dressed up her big dark eyes. Long, heavy, strawberry blonde hair would cascade down her shoulders like silk. She seemed to be the sweetest thing ever created but it was all games. Because dolls are meant to be played with. Only this time it was the other way around. She made people cry. Scream secretly loved dearly sweet little lady. He overlooked the fact she was two faced and manipulated people like clay as he had seen her do so with many other boys. He hid his true feelings behind his fake smile (not that he could get rid of it as it was painted on his mask).

So this is it. The odd crowd.

One day appart from eachother felt like two weeks without water.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Zombie March

I had my first meeting with designers Filthy Haanz last Friday. It was sick! We went to the studio, got to meet the guys (super chill, very chill, a bit too chill really), learn about the brand and get some gear. My internship is with Fashion 4 Freedom and our ultimate goal is to produce a huge fashion show to raise money for an organisation but along the way, we help local brands get some exposure. Filthy is one of those and I've been named account manager for them. The philosophy behind the name is great; getting your hands dirty and creating something. This is more of a lifestyle brand (the pieces being very simple and mostly casual (for now)) than a style brand. It's all good though, eating healthy, expressing yourself, diversity, etc... but this is what makes promoting these guys a bit of a challenge. People will be interested in the message, but actually spending some hard earned cash on them is another story. Without trying to dictate how they should change certain things about their label, we have to succeed in getting these guys known outside of their circle. For this, one of our tasks is too think of a publicity stunt to create a bit of buzz.

We are producing a fashion show for them on the 29th of October. Being close to Halloween and our theme being something like "Freaky Filthy" I got an idea.

What about getting the street team dressed up as zombies, wearing the gear all ragged up, bloody and pealing, limping around Montreal's hottest spots holding some sort of sign, handing out bait cards promoting the name and the show happening at the end of the month? Does this sound kindof fun and somewhat original? Do YOU have any COOL ideas?

Plus what kind of music should we play at the show? I was thinking along the lines of Witch House which is like the new cool genre right now and perfect for Halloween. One of the girls said something about Iron Maiden. Not so down with that idea...

My favorite witch house song right now:

Currently listening to Salem, Trapdoor


I recently re-opened my Facebook + another "whore" account to help me get a hold of people and promote the launch parties, fashions shows and fundraisers I am working on. I'm still not okay with FB. I don't like it. I realise how much attention people need to be content and it bothers me tons. But anyway, I've managed to already find a few people that could be of great help to my new work. I've also started talking with some old friends again and have seen a few of them already. My girl gang from 2001 is now back together. Which is great. Good girls are hard to find, but these ones, no matter how long we are apart, are still always there, and the same. Maybe even a bit better.

I have this friend. She's so lovable. But lovable in the way that sometimes you find yourself saying : "oh sweetie..." in a sort of condescending way. She seems very naive and bubbly, and blond, but every now and then she says these extremely deep and mature things that just blow me away.

When I was younger, I had started working on a story, using my friends as the characters. I gave them strange names, out of this world looks and sometimes special powers. All of these things to amplify how they were in real life, kind of like a caricature. My lovable friend was named Princess Sunshine, for a few reasons. Maybe if I can find the story again, I'll post it.

She was telling me how when she was the happiest was when we were hanging out with that group of friends. How we would go out, playing the snow, fight, come back inside, play video games and not worry about anything coming up the next day. (seriously not worrying about anything, none of us were really in school or had jobs). This is why I had started that story back then. I thought it was great that we were all from different places and somehow ended up all together, kind of in the same situation, all angry inside or missing something. It was epic because we all needed to get the anger out, so we would fight (fight for real) with each other, and this way we helped each other. It was something we all needed. To belong with a group and express how we wanted.

I'll look for the story.. it has to be somewhere on this computer..! If only I remembered my Myspace password!

P.s. Went back home yesterday and saw my Christmas present! So exciting! When I was younger I didn't always get Christmas gifts and I still don't get them every year but recently (the last 5 years) my mom has been killing it! Good job mom!

Thursday, October 7, 2010


I love someone who I am not in love with.
I am in love with someone who does not love me back.
Someone, whom I do not love, is falling in love with me.

It's way too easy to fall for someone. All that person has to do is fill that little hole you have, the rest doesn't matter.

I'm pretty happy right now. More happy then I've ever been I think. I have things to look forward too, things in my head are starting to make sense, I'm learning who I am. But there is one thing I'm missing. So it's normal that I would go looking for it, right?

I've been keeping busy, my mind hasn't wandered off to dark places so much, but still so many things remind me. All the time.

How have I been trying to fill the void? Dating. Or fucking really. I actually talk and hangout with them first but it always ends the same, and I never really want to. I think my roommates are starting to be upset with me at the number of new guys I bring home every week. It's all fun for me though, I've met cool people, people very different but also very similar to me. It's quite clear now that the world is full of amazing people. Not as many creeps as everyone thinks. But no one fits the bill. No one can make me feel as good as he did. So I keep looking. I have things to look forward to, but I want someone to look forward to.

Currently listening to Sufjan Stevens, The One I Love

October's got those orange eyes...

I love fall. So much. To me, fall is like new years. To me, fall is when everything begins.

I was doing my hair and makeup, listening to music with msn on. I'm always interested in what people are listening to so I pay close attention to my friends who turn on their "what I'm listening to" on msn. Between applying blush and combing my hair, I kept a close eye on one of my friend's playlist because he always seems to listen to cool new stuff.

Marcus Foster - Circle in the Square

City & Colour - What Makes a Man


I opened a chat window and said: "Feeling acoustic today?"

"Ya, folk really. Fall does that to me."

I agreed with him immediately as I had been listening to Oasis, Mumford & Sons and Right Away, Great Captain all morning. There are just so many things to look forward to (for me anyway) in fall.

- Folk/acoustic music as per my post.
-Apple picking and dreaming of having an orchard one day
- Baking sick apple pie and apple dumplings with the 60lbs of apples you just picked
- Pumpkin everything! Pies, bread, carving, etc
-HALLOWEEN (being allowed to be a complete freak and/or being something you always wanted to be. I love dress up)
-Foggy afternoons (love the mood it sets, makes great pictures too. Everything becomes mysterious, even a simple park, what an adventure!)
-Finally getting home after that foggy afternoon out in a mysterious park and putting on your new cosy slippers.
-All the best bands/artists seem to come to Montreal. Last year was epic in shows. I saw all but one band that were on my list of bands to see before I die (which are not already dead or no longer a band)
-Going on a walk one weekend and then taking that same walk the next week, but all the colours have changed.
-The smell of fallen leaves
-Helping my Grandpa rake the fallen leaves
-Layering your clothes, finally getting to wear that sweet hat and brand new old scarf you just got at the vintage shop.
-School starts, being motivated to work and study as hard as you can
-Being content with the awesome summer you just had
-Start to plan vacations, trips and the upcoming summer

My mom and I have started buying lottery tickets so that we could buy an orchard. We'd make our own cheese, have a few chickens, maybe 3 dogs, 2 horses and make cider and bake apple pies.

What are you dressing up as for Halloween? Or what's the best costume you've had? Favorite Autumn memory or thing to look forward to?

Currently listening to Blue Roses, Can't Sleep

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Sunday: Boooring. Favorite pass time? Craig's list

Yup, again!

I'm looking for a movie date or something tonight and someone wrote this at the bottom of their message:

"The danger in meeting a complete stranger is that he/she might change your life forever even if your not ready for it."

I love it!

Oh, and my old boss (the one who used Stone Rose to do illegal things) has called me about 4 times in 2 days. I was really curious so texted back and asked what he wanted. He says he has been thinking about me and wants to know what I'm up to. He says we should go out for coffee or something. I haven't replied yet. Should I?

I don't want to see him after the way he treated me but I would definitely like the satisfaction of knowing he needs me. LOL! (ha!.....) Plus, from what I see, the salon is NOT doing so good. Hmmm?

Thursday, September 30, 2010

The Gym

I got a gym membership a few weeks back. I started off motivated but ended up not going. I was always with Cody anyway. Audrey decided she would sign up, so I decided to sign up again. This way I could compete with her and get the motivation I need to get back into it. So I've been going everyday now, trying new things. All the classes are included in the membership so in 3 days I've done 3 yoga classes, 2 spinning and 1 pilates class. I thought yoga was gay. I mean, I hate the outfits people wear, the snobby/granola ways of the ladies who do it, the dumb meditation part and all the rest that is gay. Well, turns out I love yoga. It's so much fun. Especially when we go into warrior pose or even better, the flying warrior pose. It makes you feel like a manga character jetting through the sky like a rocket while evading the power force missiles of your opponent.

In the first yoga class we took there were 3 guys. One older gentleman who I kept on peeking at and have come to the conclusion that he is there for the purification of his soul and to strengthen his core. the 2 other guys though, seemed about my age, maybe a bit younger, and I don't think they were there for the same reasons as gentleman #1. They were right up front, in the middle. I was in the back, so facing forward, I could see them perfectly. One of the guys was wearing extremely tight pants and a really short shirt(?). It was funny watching him because assuming the downward facing dog or even the resting pigeon was impossible for him and his tight pants.


fast forward to tonight.

I go to yoga class #3 on my own because Audrey has an interview. I notice again just one guy and he seems to be recovering from an injury and taking it slowly getting back into the game. No problem there. After class I decided to go do a little 15 minutes of cardio, just for fun (right.) I'm almost done, about 12:26 mins in and a guy comes next to me. Now there are at least 6 other free ellipticals. But whatever, I'm listening to music and when I have my headphones in I can't hear you. Well this guy tries anyway with the typical: :"Hey, I like your tattoos!"

Oh, right... Thanks.

So we end up talking about music, school, how I look like Pocahontas with my braids and a few other things, like how apparently I'm not bad at yoga for my first week (He's been watching me?! Creep.) next thing I realise, it's been 29:31 mins! I'm like: Cool, I'm losing weight and not noticing it!

I decide it's enough and I need to go home so I clean my machine, say goodbye to my new friend and start exiting. But my new friend wants more. So he stops his sissy little 16:48 mins workout and follows me down to the locker rooms. He asks if we can exchange numbers so that we could workout together. I hesitate a bit, but I'm very much useless when it comes to telling people no so we exchange. As I'm watching him enter my number, I notice his huge boner. In his tight pants. Then and there do I realise he's the guy I was making fun of in my yoga class #1 and that I was right, and he was only there to hit on girls. I start laughing, but then hold it in and continue laughing, only in my head. He's sort of tilting his hips towards the locker room as to hide his chubby but I play dumb and keep him there a bit longer, just cause it's funny. At that moment, his friends (all the tall dudes that were playing basketball while he was macking on me) walk around us to get to the locker room. I heard them laugh, I saw the look in his eyes, they all saw his stiffy. Oh the roaring laughs! It was great.

As soon as I stepped outside I called Audrey to tell her about the funny event that just happened with Tight Pants. We both laughed.

It was raining mad outside.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

You're Sharp Like a Knife and You Fit Like a Glove

Went downtown for a meeting on my newly acquired internship for Freedom 4 Fashion (thank you very much)and guess who I saw?

This morning I went through some of my old notebooks and read some old stories and texts I used to really enjoy.

Yup, I crossed paths with Melancholy Boy. I read some of his thoughts in the morning, and saw him in the afternoon.

He was walking in the opposite direction going into the metro, I was walking out. He was marching forward with a good stride and a smug look on his face. He pointed forwards then turned his head back to say something I could not understand. He was talking to one of the most beautiful girls I had ever seen. She chuckled at what he said, walking a bit slower behind him and never set her eyes off of him. She had the kind of look that's ready for adventure. She had a look that makes you understand she knows her partner in crime, admires him and knows that she has a hold on him. She knows him like no one else does. She admires him because he admires her. And she has a hold on him because she holds him, and he holds her.

It was kind of mesmerizing.

Maybe this is grand to me because I see this as one of his stories of young lovers always looking for more. Maybe they are not in love. Maybe they are. Maybe she is his cousin. I like to think they're soulmates. And that she's as special as he is.

Currently listening to At War with the Sun, The Big Pink

Wednesday, September 22, 2010


The word shenanigan (a deceitful confidence trick, or mischief) is considered to be derived from the Irish expression sionnachuighim, meaning "I play the fox."
Bet you didn't know!

Should I go?

I really want to go. I'm a bit scared though. But I should, right?

This is the club I used to work at about a year ago! Funny eh?

Monday, September 20, 2010

I'm glad I quit.

Remember the first salon I worked at? The one I tried so hard to bring back to life? The one I was working at 6 days a week. The one I was working at 6 days a week because I was being promised a sweet, sick-ass job, a job I dream about everyday. The one I quit working at because I was sick of being promised things that never happened. Ya, that one.

I'm currently reading up on Quebec designers because I'm currently trying to get this intern spot on a huge charity fashion show happening in 2011. Things are going well, I think I might actually make the team..! Anyway, As I'm reading Montreal Fashion blogs I come across this:

“The truth Behind Stone Rose.

Montreal residents Abbas Visram and Jared Langleben along with childhood friends Jonathan Sharvit and Shai Medalsy are the faces behind Stone Rose, S.R is a Montreal-Miami based company that at first sight reveals the perfect success story of an ambitious hardworking and talented group of friends with a dream.

Unfortunately that dream is nothing more than a nightmare for the thousands of individuals around the world who have been defrauded by this unscrupulous group , their self proclaimed success story is nothing more than a fabricated bag of lies in order to legally re-invest their dirty money and allowing them to live in extreme luxury.
For the past six years their main criminal activity has been and remains in the following sectors:
Fraud, Piracy Spam Telemarketing Scams Identity Theft Credit Card Fraud
Using countless amounts of fraudulent web sites in a vast range of fields ranging from Bootleg DVD’s & Conterfeit Electronics to Basement made Vitamins & Conterfeit Fashion ,this group has accumulated substantial amounts of money in order to legally invest in new ventures such as Stone Rose and real state.

Their criminal activities are no longer a Secret Story……

(Secret Story Investments,is a company incorporated in Cyprus and one of their offshore shells used to commit their criminal activities )

Story developing-To be continued….”

I used to believe I would get that job. I worked on a brand report for months, detailing every brand to the core, who they would appeal to, where the HQ's were located, websites and other related brands. I edited ans printed it many times for him to show his "partners". I was doing great, I was going to meet them soon. But I quit my job.

My old boss, and his friends, run Stone Rose.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Fox Land

I like to browse the "missed connections" section on Craigslist. Sometimes there are pretty funny posts, sometimes too romantic and sometimes well you just wonder.

Your Guardian Angel... (Fox Land)

Hey lil Fox, can't send you e-mail anymore.... ...just want to wish you love, peace and happiness all over! You're very special, trust yourself. Someday, you'll be able to open your heart and this someday, you'll find someone who'll be willing to walk all day just to kiss you good night! Good luck. Don't be scared and stay true to yourself! xx Your guardian angel... who's still too blind to see it! :)

Location: Fox land

I sent he or she an email asking for an explanation. I know It's none of my business but it mentions a fox and a land of the Fox. Hopefully I get the story on this!

Currently listening to New Rules, Kele

Oral Fixation

Last night I went to dance class. What type of dance did I learn? Hip Hop. I know, I know. Pretty ghetto right?


I've been biting my nails since I was like, 6 years old. I guess it's stress but I don't know. Lately I haven't been biting them. I actually have full sized nails on my fingers.

After my awful attempt at being gangsta,I got back home to find a few very buzzed friends sitting around our living room. I decided to join in (just so I could fall asleep, duh.)We partied a bit, cracked a few jokes, sent naughty text messages and felt like colouring our Spider Man colouring book but once everything was setup, decided colouring was too much of a hassle. About an hour later everyone left and Audrey proposed to smoke a bit more, you know, to sleep extra well. So we did. During our stoner conversation, I explained to her how I had never smoked a cigarette in my life but lately I feel like I've been craving it. Everyone around me smokes and my mom used to smoke tons around me so it makes sense that I would be a little addicted, right? As I said this, Audrey agreed with me with an "OMG I was thinking the same thing!!". We then got distracted by something, I don't remember what and that was the end of it. I left her room to go to my room, then went back to her room to wish her goodnight? ( it kinda happened like that) As I walk in the hallway I see her at the end face down holding something in her hand. She lifts her head, puts her hand forward and says:" I found the devil." At that moment she opened the pack of smokes she was holding to show me one last cigarette. We then started giggling uncontrollably and lit it. She inhaled once, then twice looking more relaxed than I had ever seen her. She took a third hit. Dry-heaved. Threw cigarette on floor. Ran to bathroom.

I followed her, sat on the floor and laughed at her dry-heaving and putting her finger down her throat. It sounds horrible but it was the funniest thing ever. I was laughing so hard she even started laughing too, as she was trying to vomit. This went on for about 5 minutes. Greatness.

I always need to have something to my lips or in my mouth. I finally stopped biting my nails. I don't think smoking is any better though. Hmm...

Monday, September 13, 2010

Best. Trailer. Ever.

Sometimes, things are not meant to be.

I'm a strong believer in making things happen for yourself. I think if we put in enough effort, or plan accordingly, almost anything is possible. It's not guaranteed success. If you say the wrong thing or act the wrong way but in general things are pretty easy to figure out.

Their are times though, when it just can't work. Life (God, destiny, wtv) just won't let it happen. So we must accept.

About a year ago, in Montreal, a young couple was out having lunch on the terrace of a downtown hotel. It was a little windy but still nice enough to eat outside. A lapel from the side of the building loosened and fell on a girl. The lapel struck her, cracking her skull open and killing her. This girl was out with her boyfriend eating lunch on the terrace of her hotel. He was about to propose to her.

Currently listening to A Cipher in a Foreign Sky, Raised by Swans

Thursday, September 9, 2010

I want to leave

Friendship Cove is no more...

One of Montreal's sweetest spots for underground shows. Some crappy building on a crappy street somewhere kindof downtown but not really where all the grittiest and meanest shows happened. No one really knew if people lived there but it look like it. On the second floor was a fully functional but very dirty kitchen. On the main floor was the gig area as well as this awesome little hole in the wall with pillows and other comfy arrangements. The walls were painted in whatever was going through whoever's head a the moment. It's now officially closed. The lease expired and the rent was raised or police shut it down. Either way, Montreal is losing all it's great spots. We're losing it all.

All the old abandoned malt factories or disintegrating churches are being torn down and rebuilt into trendy new lofts. What is left for us Urban Explorers to explore?! Canada, Montreal specifically does not have much of a culture apart from all these great little spots. These hangout spaces are what defines our city and spirit. We have nothing else to show but these little gems hidden on the corner or back alley of every few streets. It angers me. Try and find a nice wooden area to get lost and reflect. You won't. They're all gone.

I watched Into the Wild. I now need to get away for a bit. I mean, I've wanted to get away for some time. But now it's time. I feel like I need to be with myself, completely. Maybe not in Alaska, starving. No need for such extreme measures. Plus I wouldn't last more than 3 days without food and even though I can shoot a target doesn't mean I'll have the guts to hit a fluffy rabbit or even less a big moose. After my plans to spend the Summer in England went down the drain I was hoping to spend a few weeks in northern Ireland raising horses. I think that would be a good getaway.

Seems this is the week for movie quotes. Into the Wild is Christopher McCandless's story. If you don't know the story, have itchy feet syndrome or just yearn for something that is pure and true, I suggest you read up a bit on him. It'll inspire you. A quote that stuck with me (amongst many other great ones) is Christopher McCandless's words on his quest to find what he's looking for.

"The climactic battle to kill the false being within and victoriously conclude the spiritual pilgrimage."

Wouldn't attaining this state, reaching a, maybe not complete, but faint glimmer of an idea of who we are be possibly the most fulfilling feeling there is?

Currently listening to How to Say Goodbye, The Magnetic Fields

Sshh... Don't wake up the bum...

About 2 weeks ago it was pouring hard. Like tons.

There's a bum who lives in a shopping cart around my place. I had never met him but had heard of him. He knows my roommates and watches their cars in the back lot. He makes sure everything is under control. They told me he was nice. Well on the night that I went to a stranger's apartment for a bit of pillow fun, I received a text from Audrey. " Don't get scared when you get back, The Bum is sleeping inside tonight." I thought that was hilarious so I left in a hurry and rushed back home. As I walked in a heard a loud boom than went straight for Audrey's bedroom where I woke her up, told her about the kinky adventure I had just got back from and giggled at the fact that The Bum was actually the one who got scared of me when I walked in. He was supposed to sleep in the entrance but (without my roommates approval) went to our kitchen and slept on our bench. The loud boom was him falling off when he heard me open the door... LOL.

I went to my room but then I got hungry. And I can't sleep when I'm hungry. But I was shy of going in my kitchen because The Bum was sleeping. After a few minutes of deciding whether or not I should go and if I should bother putting decent clothes on before going (if he's sleeping he won't know what I'm wearing right?) I tiptoed to the kitchen, opened the pantry delicately, made myself a bowl of honey Shreddies in a quiet fashion and proceeded to eat silently. I never once looked at him. I was shy! As I'm putting the bowl in the dishwasher, again trying to be as silent as I can, I hear: "I'm not sleeping."

He wasn't sleeping. And has seen me go through all this trouble of being quiet as a mouse for no reason. Hmmm... So we started talking. His name is Ted. Lost his wife in a fire a few years back. LOVES The Rolling Stones and was grateful that my roommate gave him a pair of socks. Ted is a polite bum. He saw I was hungry so he opened the fridge and showed me the food he had brought for us. It was a thank you for letting him sleep inside. He brought us food. Funny how that works.

When I woke up, he was gone. But when I got back the next evening he walked in on me eating a bowl of cereal again. He said he knows he should ask permissions but my roommate was in his room with his girlfriend so he didn't know if he should bother them? It wasn't raining, or cold. But I'm not good at being straight forward with people I pity. I told him that no, he shouldn't bother them, and it's fine for tonight. Just talk with him tomorrow.

Later that night, Seaweed got out of the bedroom and I heard her bark. At Ted. The next morning my roommate told me that he would let Ted know that he can't sleep inside anymore. He says we've been good enough to let him sleep inside on that rainy night, and we're better than to make someone who has it hard's life worst.

That makes sense. We can't have a smelly hobo sleeping in our apartment every time it's rainy outside. But now that we've let him in once, what happens in winter? When it gets close to -40 some nights? What happens then? How do we keep our home our sanctuary but help out others who need it without crossing any lines?

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

200 Days of Cody

I watched 500 Days of Summer a few nights ago. Has anyone of you ever seen it? I hated it. I mean, I love Joseph Gordon-Levitt alot, he's in one of my favorite movies (mysterious skin anyone?) and Zooey Deschanel is a cutie and recently married one of my favorite musicians so I figured I would love it. But I didn't. It was awful! I hated Zooey's character, I felt horrible for Joseph's and about half way through I said out loud: " I don't like this movie. At all."

It's just constant torture and being unsure of what will happen. I hated it. Possibly because I was Joseph and Cody was Zooey.

At the end of the movie (spoiler alert?) Zooey meets Joseph at their favorite spot (she is married to someone else by then) and explains that she was never sure with him, and even though she said earlier she didn't believe in love, when she met her husband, she just knew.

That scene made me appreciate the movie a bit more. It made sense. I was happy that they didn't end up together or that Zooey realized she made a mistake. If you are unsure of someone no matter how hard that person tries then it's not meant to be. It will hurt for the one chasing but after putting in all you can, it's just not worth it. Sometimes you can earn someones love and sometimes you can't.

I've had it with you people who can't learn to love again after being heartbroken. All of you who've had 1 or maybe countless bad relationships. Is it really worth never trying again? Why do we remember only the bad? Are all the great moments of epicness or the little memories of discreet affection not good enough anymore? Do we rather stay in limbo and never feel anything? Good or bad? Life is a trade off. Everything must balance out in the end. You'll have good times and bad. Deal with it and move on. You only live once. I think.

Now if you'll excuse me I will go shop away my rage for people that won't even try.

P.s. Pictures and videos of my parents' wedding coming up soon. They're pretty fun! Also, pictures of yesterday's strange day at Piknic Electronik with my lovely bff.

Currently listening to I am Leaving, Blue Roses

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Is this What You Always Want Me For?

I didn't listen. Again.

I kept on trying, I got back for a few days and now it's gone again. I'm heartbroken, sicker than ever and just... not in my head, but really deep. I think it was love. A kind of love anyway.

Now he doesn't believe me. But he won't even look at the facts of what I've been hiding. I told Audrey when I started talking to him again that I wished he would just go away. Not because I didn't want him, I want him more than anything else, but because I can't take this. It's just always been impossible. Never have I been in so much physical pain from something so psychological.

I want this to be over and go far far away. I'm just waiting for another call.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

More Damiane, Broken Fox Tails divided to bring people together and Grumpy's

Last night my best friend and I had a few drinks at the Dominion Square Tavern. It's owned by our same friend who owns the Baldwin Barmacie which is our favorite hangout spot in the whole wide world so we were expecting nothing but the best from this new (old) tavern. He pulled it off amazingly. The pub is right out of the 1920's. We had our friend give us the approximate year of every single chandelier, cigar sign, tile on the floor and photograph decorating the room. It was like going back in time. And the food smelled delicious. We met all the staff, an amazing bunch of hard working little people in white blouses and got to sample some new up and coming drinks. My personal favorite was the "Canuck": rye, fresh lemon juice, maple syrup and some other thing that starts with a-m-b I think.

My best friend got me a tiger's eye/griffon's eye stone, to protect me from evil spirits of course that I'll safely carry in my purse or pockets at all times. I love that she always gets 2 of everything as to involve me in all her black magic. She then stroked my fox tail so hard that she broke it in two, so we each kept a piece. Later we found ourselves tearing it in 3 to share with our new friend Hubert the cook, who later asked for my number. Actually his buddy asked me for him but it was okay. Later I was forced to roll a Damiane joint because our new friends wanted to experience it's effects since my best friend convinced them so well with her pretty blue eyes. Now when did I become a master at rolling joints? In public? I have no idea. I don't even really know how, but I did it.

Got back inside, had a little guy sitting behind us come and join us at the bar for a strange conversation. Turns out he produced a musical horror film. I wasn't sure he was telling the truth but then again I don't think he believed me when I said I was a native and that's why I had feathers in my hair and the I carried a fox tail with me, because they were my totem spirit animals, duh. So I gave him my email so that he could send me the preview to his movie since apparently he would have it's world premier at the Toronto Film Festival. Well this morning I woke up to an email with a link to this:

It was really true and looks kind of interesting! I had never heard of a musical horror film. Have you?

Left the Dominion around 1 with a few new friends and decided to find a hidden little jewel. Well that jewel was called Grumpy's. Hidden in a basement and greeting us with the scariest wood carving of a gnome that I did not take a picture of possibly cause I was too drunk or frightened, was a small, cosy little dingy bar with a band playing and people singing along. The singer had the greatest stache in the world, he was missing one of his front tooth and had a wolf printed on the back of his waxed denim jacket. Obviously I went to him, commented on his sweet jacket then proceeded to show him the wolf engraving on my wallet. He said it was a cool wallet. That made my night.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

I've done something so very bad

Last week I was feeling really frisky but I had no one to share my frisk with. So, after thinking about it thoroughly (not really) I posted an ad on craigslist in the "casual encounters" section. My post was short and to the point. About 20 mins later, my inbox was flooded with messages from guys desperately seeking a FWB or a NSA relationship. I thought I had narrowed down the amount of dummies that would respond by adding a few requests. Tall, gifted in the penile area, no more than 10 years my elder and a picture. When I asked for a picture I meant a picture of you and your budz drinking beer around a campfire not of your boner sticking out of your briefs. I was surprised at how many guys had pictures of their shlongs. I mean, I understand popping a chubby when reading my post then taking a picture of it with your brand new IPhone and sending it. But having 4 pictures, all in different angles, in a different setting...some with cock ring some without... that's just strange. Here are some of the replies I got:

"I read your post and I'm still trying to picture you. I'm just not looking for anything serious right now though, just some fun. Lots of fun lol. Since I didn't include a pic here is my physical description: I'm 23, I have light brown skin, I'm slim, handsome (when shaved lol) and I have dark brown hair and eyes. You're inbox will likely be flooded with responses from a lot guys (some creepy) so the chances of me getting a reply from you are probably slim but it would be nice to get an email back from you, and if you do send one I'll give you a pic.

P.S. I'm a virgin if that sort of thing matters to you "

Handsome when shaved? Then not handsome with scruff? What kind of guy are you?! Oh wait, the virgin kind. I specified that I was looking for someone who could satisfy me, not a n0Ob who needs training. Although I might deflowering a guy older than me... Perhaps I will take him up on his offer later...

"Does 6ft tall and 8 inches work?"

If you look like Josh Hartnett, yes. If you have a limp and a lisp, no. Plus, Where's my picture at dammit!?

"hi, i am 6 feet tall - not sure if you consider that tall enough. i am also gifted down there. pic is attached - let me know if you want to get together i am 180lbs, good shape, good looking. "

On his picture, Monsieur was sporting a blue speedo which he displayed so well laid out on his 80's patterned couch, resting on his side like the white hairy beluga whale he is. Where the face should be, a big black square had been drawn in paint. You're good looking? I'll be the judge of that honey.

"Hi there,
I guess we have a couple of options here. We could start an email relationship, or maybe we could get together for a cup of tea and some stimulating conversation and make friends. And then after I can validate that you're actually a REAL person we can talk about ways to get you satisfied.
Give me a call or text me or send me an email. My number is (514) 995-****. By the way, where can I reach you if I want to call you ten times a day?"

Oh okay! So all of a sudden my post is about you? You get to tell me that I'm a real person.

Stimulating conversation? Whu?! I just want to get laid!

This guy turned out to be quite funny in the end. Maybe I'll join him for tea one day.

"Very hung, really thick. I stand 6'2. drop me a line if you want toget this going. I can't wait to unleash the moster :-)"

What's a moster?

"Not tonight but Friday...... I'm heading out to Cresent street this Friday, you show up in a short skirt with no panties I'll buy all the drinks and food you can consume!! Are you ready??"

(sigh) Once again guys... I put up the ad for the night that I put up my ad! Not the next day, or Friday! No panties? What is this? I like to be decent when I leave my place. Plus no picture! humm.. how about.. no.

"Hey I’m tall and I know how to use it, lemme know if u like what you see ;)"

This one doesn't sound so bad right? That's cause you've got no picture to go with it. No I don't like what I see because all I see is an uncut shriveled up thing with excess skin hanging from the tip. Icky!

"i'm ready to takeyou Martin i can provide v.i.p. and 420 too..."

This is just a sample of what I got. I ended up choosing this guy that was one of the first to respond. It was good, not great but decent. Plus he was normal and we had things in common.

Have you ever posted or responded to an ad looking for filth?

Currently listening to Asher Roth, I love College.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Things are improving

Back to business.

All is good. Healing well. Nothing but a soar throat and a little pain. I'm good as long as I've got Advil in my system.

Just got back from the States. Zipped through the airport like a champ. I almost lost my shit at check-in just because I'm like that. Anxiety and all. But then I took a few deep breaths and focused on the studying I did the last 2 times I took the plane. In 20 mins I was in, comfy on a chair facing the window, reading my book. I impressed me.

Illinois was pretty lame. I got to see J and the dogs, which was great. I missed them so much. I wasn't sure they'd remember me but by the end of my trip, I was positive they did. Hungout for a day in Chicago, it was okay. Alot like Montreal. I know I always say I can't wait to leave this place but if I had to chose, Montreal would win.We saw Scott Pilgrim Vs the World too. It was so good! I hadn't had that much fun in a while. Loved all the Zelda references and even got the Death Note reference to Misa. I was proud. Speaking of anime, we decided to start over Full Metal Alchemist that night. One of the best shows out there. While we were enjoying the show, my dogs decided they would enjoy J's joint. He went to light it then couldn't find it where he had left it, in the ashtray. We then flipped over the whole apartment looking for it and nada. We both looked at Mr.Waffles (yes that's his real name) and J jumped on him to hold him still while I smelled is little doggy breath. Yup, smelled like Marijuana alright. So I put my finger down his throat trying to make him puke up the little sucker. He just wouldn't let go of that thing. So we waited in fear. Pan has eaten pot twice already so we knew what to expect. A drunk looking dog with a very slow (see almost nonexistent) heartbeat followed by a 500$ vet bill. We decided to skip the vet bill this time. About 20 mins later he started to get the shakes. The next 6 hours was us trying to keep him awake every time he closed his eyes. Oh, and about an hour later, Pan got high too. She just couldn't let Mr.Waffles party alone, could she? The morning came and they were still a bit stoned, but fine. FU vets!

My relationship has been getting better with Siwy (or is it Suwy? I call her Seaweed) my roommate's dog. The first night I met her she bit me. And then she tried to bite me about 5 other times. She's a mean dog. But we are all warned. There are signs everywhere and she just hates every single girl out there, except Audrey, but she's tried biting her too. Lately Seaweed has been greeting me with a huge smile and a wagging tail. Possibly because I've been feeding her my leftovers but I like to think it's because I tamed her. I took her on a walk, TWICE. I'm proud of me, cause she's fkn scary. She's a wild dog. Was raised on a native reserve as a hunting dog. Belonged to the chief of that native reserve then given to my roommate. How cool is that?

Audrey was a no show last night. Was called in for work or something. Wtv.
I had two choices, either starve to death or try and make something. So I did. And my roommate said it smelled "really good" when he walked in. Damn right it did. You can do anything if you put your hungry belly to it.

Doesn't look so bad eh?

I hear Popeye...... I just realized why he's called Popeye.
Everything makes sense now.
Anyway, spinach is good for you.

For all you English Speakers the sign reads:
Danger, I may be small but I know Kung-Fu.
This is the sign that greets guests in my entrance.

My two stoner dogs.


Currently listening to N*E*R*D, She Wants to move

Did I ever say I met N*E*R*D? 'cause I did.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Magic Herbs, 90's Boy Bands & Big Berries

My best friend's a freak. It's pretty amusing because she's gorgeous and her looks don't project her personality at all. Which sometimes leaves guys dumbfounded... or scared. We met up yesterday and she had rolled us a spliff of "Damiane". I usually don't smoke but I just had to give this a try. Apparently my best friend wants to become a herbalist (with a degree in psychology) and "Damiane" makes you incredibly horny. So I took us to a park where we smoked the poor sucker. 2 guys took the picnic table next to us and toked a regular joint. They kept on laughing being amazed that we had the same idea they did. We left the parc and handed them one of the joints. I wonder if they started to turn each other on by then end of the evening, cause we definitely felt it.

Anyway, our favorite words that evening were:

King Pin - meaning something very cool as in " I met a guy called Nicolas and he's going to Bicolline next weekend. His costume is King Pin." ( translate this to French and say King Pin while trying to pretend to be good at English. Also, Bicolline is an amazing LARP event a couple of hours away from my home. Another thing I'll be missing this year. Perhaps next year the stars will align. What should I go as? A dark mage? A viking valkyrie? Or an archer elf? Check out some of the picture, the costumes are nuts.


Madgepodgepres (which is really Map-o-spread but said by a drunken Frenchie) I don't even know how this word came so frequently in our conversation.

So the night was fine. We hung out at our usual spot, which if you guys ever come to Montreal have to swing by. One of our friends owns it. It's one of the top places in MTL. When I say top I don't mean best douchebag hangout with the latest from Tiesto booming from the speakers. I mean the drinks are great, the crowd is usually pretty chill, the bar looks good, they make THE BEST Grill-Cheeses and Mac & Cheese AND the music is amazing. We like to play a game where whoever as the most songs played a the bar in their Ipod wins. Wins what? Probably dignity.

We like to sit at the bar to chat with the staff. Normally we're deeply in a conversation about psychoanalysis, what's new in music or just ripping every scenester in the place. We go there cause we're comfortable and we have things to tell each other, not to give out numbers. At some point between exchanging burnt cds and dishing out the latest boy talk, 2 guys sat next to us and it was just way too obvious that they would hit. So they did. About 6 times. All Jameson shots. Don't like that, tastes like peroxide. I had one then tossed the rest under my seat every time. My gf was piss drunk by 11:30 and was trying to figure out why the dude at the end of the bar was unhappy. She told me to entertain Janny(the Italian one) while she would take Nick Lachey outside to try and "figure him out". I don't remember his name and call him Nick Lachey because he really did look like her was part of 98degrees. Remember them? I certainly do. The Hit List was my favorite thing to watch on Friday nights. Anyway, I ended up drawing on a napkin and kind of ignoring Janny. He bugged me right from the beginning and lives in a neighborhood I don't like. I'm West Side, he's North-East. Bleh.

Saw "Despicable Me" today with the siblings. It was okay. I thought it would be a bit funnier though. But get this, at some point Steve Carell's character says to his 3 young daughters "I'll stuff you all in the crust!"


I can only imagine him reading the script and saying: " really want me to say "I'll - Stuff - You - All - In - The - Crust? Really? ya okay then...""

I LOLed in the theatre. My 7 year old sister asked me what was so funny? I said you're too young.

Tomorrow I take the plane for the first time on my own. That'll be funny.

Eee.. I just put this one up 'cause "have you seen the size of these blackberries!"
Not normal. But tasty. Very tasty.

The crazy one with a shot of Nick in the back.

Looks gross? Probably. But you've never had it. I don't like pickles
but I eat these ones.

Currently listening to The Man's Machine, Jamie T

Tuesday, August 10, 2010


Not much going on today, but tons this month.

I went downtown to shop a bit today. On the way there I got hit on twice in less than 5 mins. I started laughing to myself hysterically after the second one. It's always the same thing "Hey, I like your tattoos!" Shut it you Ed Hardy lover, fake Lacoste Polo wearing jerk. No, you don't like my tattoos and I definitely didn't get them for you to hit on me or have a conversation about their meaning with strangers (unless you're uber hot or you play the violin very well). On my way back, some Mormons or Jehovah's witnesses or whoever it is that tries to convert you to their shit, were doing their usual business. Listen boys, when a girl has headphones plugged in her ears, tapping her fingers and feet to what she's listening to and staring at the floor or at nothing being deeply in thought, it's not the right time to come and try to impress. You can clearly see that I'm busy so don't bother trying. It already pisses me off enough that I have to pretend that I can't hear you because my headphones are in, so don't make me take them out.

It was nice and hot this morning when I left so I wore my white dress. On the way back home it got really grey and windy so I treated everyone (unintentionally) to a Marilyn Monroe white dress flutter. Mine probably showed a bit more skin though. Oops. Do not fear though, I never leave the house without any knickers (one of my favorite words) unless I'm going to a party that calls for it. At my old salon there was a Marilyn/Audrey theme going and I used to ask some of the clients who they preferred. I've always liked Audrey Hepburn more. She looks smarter.

So tons of stuff happening this month. Taking my younger siblings to see Despicable Me on Thursday, leaving for Illinois on Friday, coming back a few days later, then it's off the hospital, a few days of getting better, then cooking ( I don't know how I'm gonna do it) up a storm for my mom's wedding shower, attending and hosting my mom's wedding shower, leaving for Toronto for a few days, then coming back for the wedding, then finally leaving for England. Ouf! I'm gonna miss the anime convention and Warpaint though... oh well.

Hanging out with my best friend tonight. Can't wait to see her, it's been too long. It's always fun with her. It's like when we're together we have this crazy energy that attracts cool/weird things. We can usually plan our night before it happens. She thinks it's telekinesis, I say it's synchronicity. We'll probably go to our usual spot or maybe somewhere we've never been. She's been writing down magic potions in a leather notebook I got for her in Turkey. Can't wait to see what this is about.

Currently listening to Cudi Zone, Kid Cudi

Monday, August 9, 2010

Started Stalking Again...

Stopped by Java U where I think I saw Melancholy Boy working a few weeks back. We were driving by when Audrey proposed that I should go have a look.I thought I had put my stalker years behind but she revived it in me. We stepped in and no, no Melancholy Boy. I didn't think he would be there. Sunday just seems like a day that he wouldn't make himself available for work. Anyway, he wasn't there, but this was:

Isn't this hilarious? You can't really tell from this picture but more coins filled the "Yes" mug.
I don't know much about Haiti or Presidency so it's hard for me to have an opinion on this. I think it's a good thing to have an entertainer get involved in politics because it appeals more to the youth and may help move things around a bit. I'm not sure though, that a guy who had a song with The Rock should be president. But, the song does have a strong message. No body cares how much money you got if you keep it all to yourself.
So if you have money, I'll be glad to send you my account information in order for you to get my attention and dedicated caring. " 'Cause if you ain't sharin, people ain't carin . "
Remember that.
Currently listening to Cult Logic, Miike Snow

Saturday, August 7, 2010

When reactions turn into hurricanes


So here's the deal on Cody. Cody always reminds me of one of those tall and slender anime characters. The one's with shiny smiles, self-confidence, composed, calm nature and contagious laughter. Cody was 6"5, blond hair, blue eyes and I met him at my salon a few months ago. My boss called him Hercules.

I've been seeing Cody for a few months now. But I think it's over. Probably for the best though. This guy is amazing. He's much older than me but looks and sounds only a few years my elder. He drives boats, knows how to fix things, he's an amazing cook, has pecs like you've never seen(I've never cared much for guys that workout but he looked great) and drives a red sports car. I think he knows who he is more than most people do when they die. He's all about being the greatest person you can be and living life well and to the fullest. He's dedicated. Stopped his business a few years ago, lives at home, takes care of his handicapped mom, his aging workaholic dad that can't cook or do laundry, his sick dog, keeping his house in order, all with a broken back. He is one of the toughest people I know.

I always want to know what this guy is up to. He's just so fun to hangout with and listen to. We started seeing each other every 2 days, leaving us one night to take it easy and sleep, to be in good shape for our next hangouts. The thing is, Cody is unlike anyone I've ever met. It's amazing but very confusing at times. He lost it at me in our beginning because I called him weird. I meant "weird" as in different, something I like. But he took it bad, told me he was "done", spoke to me in the coldest words ever spoken to me and left me in tears, not understanding a single thing. The next day we spoke again, turned out we had both not slept and decided to keep being friends, or whatever we were.
One of the reasons I haven't been sleeping well is that people text me late at night, so I'm always expecting a message and never shut my eyes completely. Cody gets really strange at night. I've wondered a few times if he's developing some sort of late night paranoia but I give him a break. He deals with so much and he's on tons of pills and is in pain and tired of his strenuous day. But almost every night I don't spend in his room, I get texts, that don't always make sense and make me nervous about our relationship. It's pretty stressful always being afraid to say the wrong thing and risking losing someone again. A few weeks later we got into an argument that we were seeing each other too much to not move forward. It had to move or end. That was fine with me, only I felt that I could still not hold his hand in public and kissing was reserved for the bed or when I'm about to leave. It was always a spy game against his parents. Coming in from the back door when they were sleeping or busy than exiting in the morning like a hooker that spent the night. I feel like he's embarrassed of me, because of where we met. Or maybe it's my tattoos - I don't' know. I've been wanting to meet his parents, so that I wouldn't have to hide anymore but I was afraid they wouldn't like me or be embarrassed too. I was hoping to introductions would be made many times but it's difficult, having to plan the meeting in advance as to not upset the sick mom and grumpy dad.

I got a call this morning. Around 4 I think. It was Cody. He was out partying with his friends even though he said he would stay in, take it easy and rest his back. The convo started like usual, nonsense of funny jokes and things that happened during the evening. At some point he had not even finished his sentence then just said: " I have to stop talking now I"m talking too much. I can't talk to you like I do with a friend."

I thought that was an extremely weird thing to say. I always like to hear him talk, even if I'm half asleep and I shouldn't be interested. I am. I then said "okay, why not? Aren't we friends at least?"

He didn't like that one bit. Changed his tone completely, started ripping me telling me that I'm playing little girl games and that I don't have his back and why would I say something like that? I thought we were more than friends?

Then I got really confused. I said: Exactly we are more than friends, so that means you should at least be able to talk to me like friends." And then he went on, saying he was done. I was fake. I'm just a little girl who knows nothing. He treats me like a princess and I don't know what I want. I said okay, you're right. But I never said I wasn't a little girl or that I knew what I want. I'm well aware that I don't know what I want, and that I'm immature. It took him a while for him to tell me his age in the beginning, but then he said age didn't matter. I thought he meant it for both ways, but I guess I was too young. He then went on to say he's met girls like me before, we're no good, I half to stay in my apartment, do my own shit and stay out of his life. Harsh eh? This all came out of nowhere. So once again I'm left, confused as fuck, feeling like the worst kind of backstabbing person in the world. Just for wanting to be spoken to openly about anything, like a friend would do. Anyway, I tried to argue that this made no sense and that he didn't get what I said. That I didn't say anything bad but he wouldn't hear it. He asked, no ordered me to hang up on him multiple times but I kept trying, because I thought I should fight for it, I mean I really do care about him. And then he said he would make me cry and I should just leave him alone. Then he called me garbage and hung up on me.

I didn't cry. I knew this was coming. I was always afraid to say something in the wrong intonation or use a word he didn't like. It's probably better off this way. I just wish he believed me when I say nothing I did was fake. I was always honest with him. I guess the age difference was an issue after all.

I never said I was a woman. I know I'm lost and confused, but I'm enjoying finding out. I have tons of issues; no father figure, rough childhood, anxiety, sickness, but I know all this, and I never pretended once to deny these things. You can't be upset at someone for not being something they never said or believed to be. That's all I have to say.
Currently not listening to anything. It's too early in the morning, don't want to wake up anyone else after that phone call.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

I like this guy. He's from where I'm from, and he's funny.

The same issue over and over again..!


so I was watching CNN 2 nights ago and they had on Bethenny Frankel and two other ladies to discuss the issue that is marital cheating. Seems like this is the new hit topic of the summer. Even msn and the local newspapers have had articles on this, whether it's become "fashionable" or something stupid like that. I've discussed this many times and I'm never sure where I stand. After watching the ridiculous debate with Bethenny and the 2 other mistresses, Cody asked me if I believed cheating could help a relationship. I thought about it for a few seconds then answered yes. I'm not sure about that "yes" though. I think in some cases it can help ( in a way...) but not always. I mean if you're looking somewhere else, it means you're not completely content. Right?

I've expressed my view on this many times. Recently too. I find it hard to be monogamous. Not that I constantly feel the urge to cheat on someone but I can't help to love to live with different people, and feel different things. Do I think it can help a marriage? Maybe. I think it can help in a way that a man (or woman) is mentally or physically unsatisfied but loves and cares with deepest feelings for his/her spouse. It's not a question of hurting someone or doing something wrong. It's about making yourself happy. We always look to fill the holes (I don't mean for this to be a sexual innuendo). So I think if a person will go dip their feet in someone elses pond every now and then, well it is possible that this would help a relationship last. keeping yourself stimulated and happy will project on your relationship. We all cheat. Not always physically, but emotionally. And which is worst really? We've all had a crush on someone else at some point or couldn't wait for that special other someone to log on so you could have another amazing conversation.

Bethenny was arguing that marriage is an arrangement and that "if you plan on cheating, don't get married!". Well first of all Bethenny, I know cheating is usually a no-no when you're in any kind of relationship but you don't go to jail if you do so. So it's a rule, but not really. How many women are married to men how cheat and are aware of this and keep on going? Tons. ( I saw the perfect example on Dr. Phil the next day. This lady had employed private investigators to catch her man cheating. They did, and 2 years later she's still with him. If it's so wrong, then just end it.) And secondly, no one gets involved with someone planning to cheat. It just happens. I see it all the time, working where I work. Doesn't mean these guys don't love their wives. In fact, they are all they talk about, them and their children.

The debate was pretty funny to watch. You've got Bethenny losing it trying to prove to everyone that she has the perfect relationship and these 2 former mistresses, one a little space cadet and the other an uber feminist mistress, all talking over each other trying to make people accept what they've done. They even brought in this loser who caught his wife cheating on Facebook (Facebook for christ's sake! What else is it good for? Inflating the ego of the already conceited, right.) and started a cyber support group for others like him. Obviously they only spoke with him 45 seconds then went right back to the bickering and cat fighting of the 3 guest femme fatals. At some point, Miss Holly the Space Cadet event said in her soothing Australio-Hippy voice that "we all need to share our partners. If your friend is lonely or bored, you should offer your spouse to her. It's a beautiful thing really". HA! I'm not the most faithful person on earth but this is just plain wacky. Then you got the other woman attacking Bethenny by saying that "the next reality show should be about mistresses, and how they fall for married men, never get the goods and must live in the wives's shadows. This is the next reality show!" Well Bethenny replied to that one with a witty " If I was as angry as you, my husband would have cheated on me too."

What?! This is all happening a few minutes right before Anderson Cooper and the issue with the Muslim cultural center being built 2 blocks away from ground zero. Seriously?

Anyway, all this to say that this topic should not be discussed on t.v. and as long as no one is getting hurt then whatever. I have no idea what's right and what's not. All I know is that was one stupidly entertaining piece of news.

this blog makes me sound like I watch Dancing with the Stars and Say Yes to the Dress religiously but I really don't. I never watch t.v. on my own. I watch the news at Cody's, Dr.Phil was playing at work and I had no idea who Bethenny Frankel was until I googled her when I noticed she was on Perez Hilton alot.

What do you guys think?

Currently listening to Ellie Goulding, Lights

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Late night Texts

I can't sleep. In the summer usually. It's always too hot and there's always too much going on. People love to text me late ate night. It's one of the reason and can't get a good shut eye, I'm always on the verge of waking up because I know my phone will start buzzing. Same thing for fires. I've been woken up in the middle of the night by a fire alarm abut 4 times. It's a bit unsettling. But anyway, sometimes bad things wake me up, and sometimes funny things wake me up (see blog I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today). Like last night.

Cody: i can't sleep arrrgh!

SF: Me neither. So you're not gonna go to your pirate party on Saturday?

Cody: Nopeh! My sister will be here silly kat

SF: Nay, twas not written in thee stars. The sea, she doesnt not call yee name on thee day that is Sat.

Cody: Swashbucklers! Arggh I burnt thee popcorne!

SF: Ack! To the devil! Yee must walk thee plank!

Cody: me out of rum matey! So i best be not be walkin the plank!

SF: Aye! Yee deserves to be swallowed by the queen sea and feed the sharks! Yo hoho! Scallywag!

Cody: Fine, I'm done talking pirate.

SF: Good. Cause I'm out of vocabulary. I'm horny though

Cody: Horny cool but I'm not johnny depp

SF: I knew that

Cody: thank god

and that was it.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

I had this dream where my teeth always fell out

He always wrecks my soccer balls.

Audrey's homemade waffles. Toppings - courtesy of me.

Living here is great. Some of my friends warned me about moving in with Audrey. They thought I was making a huge mistake. I wasn't 100% sure at that time but I was willing to give it a shot. I'm pretty flexible. Apart from her bad habit of drowning her sorrow in alcohol, it's been wonderful. I now have a devoted friend at my side with lots more attitude and spunk than I, which can come in handy at times. She also feeds me. Steaks, bbq'd veggies, waffles, pancakes, anything I want. I love(sometimes hate) that she's rude to people but tells me she's aware she has no social etiquette. She's amazing.

Last fall I told my best friend I felt a big change was coming.

A few days ago I joined the local gym. My membership gives me access to all the classes. They have a pool there.. I intend on eventually taking swimming lessons but I'll procrastinate a couple more weeks... I've been quite inactive for about 4 years now. A combination of injury, sickness, relationships and way too much cake. Yesterday, I played volleyball for the first time in 4 years. And when I say play I mean I ate gym floor for about 2 hours and a half. I decided to watch them play first, to see what I was up against. Holy moly who was I kidding! They were about 10 guys, all much older than me and amazing athletes. I kept on watching for another good 15 mins then the first game ended. By then, about 10 more people joined. Still no girls...Hmmm. Maybe I missed the "extremely tall, older guys only" sign at the door? A small man then asked me if I wanted to warm up and play the next game. So I did. I was really nervous and overly shaky but it came back to me quickly. I was actually holding up against these monsters! (Imagine the aliens from Space Jam only they play volleyball instead of bball) So by the end of the evening I impressed a few macho men from the YMCA and myself aswell. I didn't think I had it in me. I was invited back next week, with a promise that I would purchase some knee pads. It feels amazing to hit on a ball again.

I also received to long awaited phone calls this week. One that informed me of a fixed date for an important surgery needed which allows me to set a date for my second important call. I will finally get to go to England and possibly quit these salon jobs by September. Alot of people dick around but sometimes you have to believe things will workout, because they do.

My parents decided they will be bringing my dog Othello in to be put to sleep. He is quite old and my mom says he's been sick for a bit. They got the results back from some tests and it shows nothing good. They decided, unlike we did with my 21 year old cat, to no stretch out his malaise and cut the pain short. i saw him maybe 2 weeks ago and he seemed fine. A bit old but fine. My mom called to let me know Friday is the day. That's in 2 days. I think it's too soon. I get the feeling my mom just wants to get rid of him. She took it hard with my cat and the wedding is coming up and I think she thinks Othello is a burden so I'm not too happy with this decision. It's just too soon. They told my little brother and sister that he was old and sick so he had to go finish his days at the hospital where the doctors can care for him until he goes to heaven.

I think this is what I'll choose to believe. It's easier and makes more sense.
Currently listening to Degausser, Brand New

Monday, July 26, 2010

Melancholy Boy's words, what I've been dying to say

A couple blogs back I wrote about a guy that writes amazing things. Amazing to me anyway. Here is some of his work. This to me, is what I couldn't explain to others. How I view things. It might make me sound like a whore, or I don't know, but this is how it is for me. Not just on a sexual level (although it's been about that part alot lately) but on any kind of level. This is what I do. And it has everything to do with why I feel so low of myself. Enjoy, or not.


When so many people can tell you they love you, that you're beautiful, that you're amazing, why only take it from one person? Why not take it from every person? Why not feel everyone's longing and touch with their tongues and lips and fingertips? Why not feel every single person you want's heartbeat and body parts. Why tie yourself down and feel guilty for talking or touching somebody else and why give all of yourself to one person when you can give yourself to every person and every person can give parts of themselves to you.

Why depend when you don't need too, and why love one when you deserve to be loved by all. No one deserves all of you, no deserves all of you, no one deserves all of you, no one deserves every ounce of you.

Pour yourself into the sea and mingle from here to there and everywhere. Why not have a bed thats always full of new experience and a heart thats bloody from friends and foe.

Why not eat at everyones soul and why constrain yourself to one heart and one mind. We've got one life. i'm in an open relationship with the world.

there's too much love or none left in these bones of mine. i can't tell which one. im a trick and an apparition and i'll make you comfortable without much of a whim or care.

Currently listening to: too confused for music right now