Thursday, August 26, 2010

I've done something so very bad

Last week I was feeling really frisky but I had no one to share my frisk with. So, after thinking about it thoroughly (not really) I posted an ad on craigslist in the "casual encounters" section. My post was short and to the point. About 20 mins later, my inbox was flooded with messages from guys desperately seeking a FWB or a NSA relationship. I thought I had narrowed down the amount of dummies that would respond by adding a few requests. Tall, gifted in the penile area, no more than 10 years my elder and a picture. When I asked for a picture I meant a picture of you and your budz drinking beer around a campfire not of your boner sticking out of your briefs. I was surprised at how many guys had pictures of their shlongs. I mean, I understand popping a chubby when reading my post then taking a picture of it with your brand new IPhone and sending it. But having 4 pictures, all in different angles, in a different setting...some with cock ring some without... that's just strange. Here are some of the replies I got:

"I read your post and I'm still trying to picture you. I'm just not looking for anything serious right now though, just some fun. Lots of fun lol. Since I didn't include a pic here is my physical description: I'm 23, I have light brown skin, I'm slim, handsome (when shaved lol) and I have dark brown hair and eyes. You're inbox will likely be flooded with responses from a lot guys (some creepy) so the chances of me getting a reply from you are probably slim but it would be nice to get an email back from you, and if you do send one I'll give you a pic.

P.S. I'm a virgin if that sort of thing matters to you "

Handsome when shaved? Then not handsome with scruff? What kind of guy are you?! Oh wait, the virgin kind. I specified that I was looking for someone who could satisfy me, not a n0Ob who needs training. Although I might deflowering a guy older than me... Perhaps I will take him up on his offer later...

"Does 6ft tall and 8 inches work?"

If you look like Josh Hartnett, yes. If you have a limp and a lisp, no. Plus, Where's my picture at dammit!?

"hi, i am 6 feet tall - not sure if you consider that tall enough. i am also gifted down there. pic is attached - let me know if you want to get together i am 180lbs, good shape, good looking. "

On his picture, Monsieur was sporting a blue speedo which he displayed so well laid out on his 80's patterned couch, resting on his side like the white hairy beluga whale he is. Where the face should be, a big black square had been drawn in paint. You're good looking? I'll be the judge of that honey.

"Hi there,
I guess we have a couple of options here. We could start an email relationship, or maybe we could get together for a cup of tea and some stimulating conversation and make friends. And then after I can validate that you're actually a REAL person we can talk about ways to get you satisfied.
Give me a call or text me or send me an email. My number is (514) 995-****. By the way, where can I reach you if I want to call you ten times a day?"

Oh okay! So all of a sudden my post is about you? You get to tell me that I'm a real person.

Stimulating conversation? Whu?! I just want to get laid!

This guy turned out to be quite funny in the end. Maybe I'll join him for tea one day.

"Very hung, really thick. I stand 6'2. drop me a line if you want toget this going. I can't wait to unleash the moster :-)"

What's a moster?

"Not tonight but Friday...... I'm heading out to Cresent street this Friday, you show up in a short skirt with no panties I'll buy all the drinks and food you can consume!! Are you ready??"

(sigh) Once again guys... I put up the ad for the night that I put up my ad! Not the next day, or Friday! No panties? What is this? I like to be decent when I leave my place. Plus no picture! humm.. how about.. no.

"Hey I’m tall and I know how to use it, lemme know if u like what you see ;)"

This one doesn't sound so bad right? That's cause you've got no picture to go with it. No I don't like what I see because all I see is an uncut shriveled up thing with excess skin hanging from the tip. Icky!

"i'm ready to takeyou Martin i can provide v.i.p. and 420 too..."

This is just a sample of what I got. I ended up choosing this guy that was one of the first to respond. It was good, not great but decent. Plus he was normal and we had things in common.

Have you ever posted or responded to an ad looking for filth?

Currently listening to Asher Roth, I love College.


  1. I sold a bike on CL once but view the ads just to get a sample of what's out there. I imagine the quality of the talent base is much to be desired. You should have seen the guy that bought my bike! Whoa...dude...6-inch nose hair is a bit much. Now when I had Myspace...that is a different story entirely.

  2. Omg tell me about it! Myspace was my drug.

  3. So there are actually good looking women on craigslist personals?

    Who knew?

    Gotta go. I, uh, have some, er, research to do.