Monday, July 26, 2010

When actions stop speaking for themselves, people count on words, like I count on yours.

I am completely in love with someone right now. I just can't take it. I wish I could just be happy and contempt with a routine. But I can't. I really can't. But I'm overflowing with love for this one person. I can't let go. Even though everyone says I should. I just don't know what's right anymore. I want to do whats feels good for me, but when I do that I feel like shit hurting someone else. It just never gets resolved. This one's really personal...

SF: i just don't want to be sucked into that routine

you don't have any other dreams or things you want to do

or if you do you don't tell me about them

J: i lost hope in my dreams, and thats just my problem

SF: well i'm not like that

J: i know babe and im happy you arent

i just wish for a lot of things and im selfish, i'll admit i just want to be with you, wake up with you i want to see you become wise, and see you learn from life

i want to be there when you develop new habits, and new body language i just want to be with you

and the saddest thing is that you dont want that as bad as me

you want other things more

and thats not your fault

not anybodies

its just, life i've made lots of decisions that i regret

so far, im not even sure how i feel about this one

SF: it's just an obstacle, i just need to figure things out

J: an obstacle would be a challenge

you just prefer your independence

thats not a challenge, thats just your nature

I am a bird... a fucking bird.

J: just enjoy life right now
all i can do is wait for you

wherever i go there will be a place for you

How the fuck am I suppose to sleep? I don't understand so much love from one person. I can't match it, it's just too much. I've been horrible to this person and I still get a "wherever i go there will be a place for you". Why do I always look for something more?
In our car, the one I've been driving since he left, there is a sticker on the dashboard that reads Stone Fox + J. I put it there years ago when I learned we had a label maker at work and I figured out how to work it. I can't bring myself to remove it.

1 comment:

  1. SF-

    As I get older I've developed a philosophy that some people are incapable (or close to it) of feeling contentment in their lives.

    At least for any length of time.

    So rather than fight it and think of what you "should" be feeling or how you "wish" you could be, just be yourself and let the chips fall where they may.

    Ultimately it's the closest that you're going to get to contentment.

    Thanks for sharing!